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Entry #26

The struggle of mental illness

2017-10-22 07:52:33 by JellyTea

Do any of you guys struggle with any mental illness?


I have this thing where it feels like I constantly have a fever and my body is restless. It feels exciting for a while and makes me motivated but then it fades and I just feel irritated by everything and paranoid.
It drives me nuts. When I don't have that, I usually feel super alienated and it keeps building up until I'm thinking of ways to die. It's like a constant emotional rollercoaster.


It's so hard, guys.
The worst thing is when I think of all the things I've ruined by being like this, people who didn't understand what I was going through and didn't want to deal with it. People who didn't accept me for the way I am and weren't patient enough to stick around in my life. It hurts me so much and makes me feel so flawed.
I feel like I can't even talk about it with people and like no one wants to hear it.

I don't mean to pour all this crap on you guys, just trying to find someone who can relate.
Hope you guys are doing okay.


Comments

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SapkyRidesSapkyRides

2017-10-22 08:03:14

i Forgive u buddy :(

JellyTea responds:

Thanks, pal. ;w;


InfinityofficialInfinityofficial

2017-10-22 11:04:15

I can relate to you :(

I have ADHD, Anxiety disorder, and Williams syndrome. It's hard to talk to people and socialize, that's why I stay inside with headphones on and just listen to music. Sometimes I just want to scream at the top of my lungs to relieve myself of my anxiety ,other times, I just want to die. I constantly feel rejected by everyone. I accept you for who you are, because you're just like me :)

Plenty hugs!
~INFINITY

JellyTea responds:

I had to Google ''William's syndrome'' but I'm very sorry to hear that. I can't imagine how alienating it would be to have something physical like that. What type of anxiety disorder do you have?
Anxiety is the devil, really.

Have you tried medication for it? I actually had a lot of help from SSRIs to manage my OCD symptoms.
You're quite young so maybe you haven't tried any sort of medication yet.
I accept you too, silly. :)


TroisnyxTroisnyx

2017-10-24 02:53:48

Oh my. I would happily give you a hug.

I have PTSD, from several abuses from several people. The memories come unbidden, I have nightmares about the things I'd been through, and my mind cannot shelve memories and information away properly. I feel much like you and @Infinityofficial even though I cannot relate to having these conditions in full...

What I'm trying to say, I guess, is thank you for coming forward with your condition, you are courageous. You, in turn, have helped us come forward with our own sufferings.

JellyTea responds:

Your post is very heartbreaking, I hope you can someday find peace from your abuse. I don't think your PTSD makes it any different from being diagnosed with other conditions since they can all be very damaging and alienating.

It's good to hear this post has helped you talk about your struggles, it can be a very difficult thing to admit to yourself and others.
Things like this should be talked about more openly and without judgement, especially during such supposedly progressive times when other things are accepted or even encouraged.

It seems like we get screwed in lots of ways, not only do we have to deal with conditions that can be incredibly debilitating but we still have to deal with a lot of stigma or sometimes have our feelings and issues belittled. The worst is when things stem from abuse because it makes you feel like your life was shattered or stolen away by someone else and now you have to pick up the pieces on your own.

I hope you have someone who helps you through this but you can also message me whenever.
Thanks for sharing and posting, many hugs to you.